when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
