The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
