imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
