im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize