The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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