know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
