dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
