It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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