mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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