hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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