I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
