I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
