My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Everything about him screamed your future.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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