Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize