who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
