You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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