I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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