A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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