It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
