I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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