btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
