it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
