i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
