Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
