go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
