Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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