roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
