totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There r osticjed everywhere
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
