Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
