Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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