Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
