Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
