if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I faked an abortion last night.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
