I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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