He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize