I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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