It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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