Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
