The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
