even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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