Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
