oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
