Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
