Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
