I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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