my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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