i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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