i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
