He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
