Sry I called you an 8
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
