I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
