K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize