Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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