i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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