i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
