my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
