her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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