So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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