No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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