$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
